a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
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