Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Randomize
