Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
