Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
