u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
