you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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