Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
