He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
At least life still wants to fuck me.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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