69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
40s are totally the cure
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
