Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
