So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
