mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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