I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
