i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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