If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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