I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
