I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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