Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
