i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
