I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
