Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
