Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
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It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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