I think I won the penis lottery.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
