Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
