The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
