so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
porn star boner night. come get it.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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