her vagine was all disorganized.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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