he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
MIDGETS
????
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
