the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
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we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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