I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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