He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
