I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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