I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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