Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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