I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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