My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just blew my weed a kiss
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I think people are normalizing furries
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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