She said her name was "party"
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
