sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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