Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
