its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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