Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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