every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Randomize
