This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
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He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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