i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize