Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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