she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
