I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
