I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
