planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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