I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
My Higher Power is John Stamos
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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