I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
not ubering you a puppy
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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