"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
