conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
