I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
