is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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