your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
