Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
