I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
