We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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