im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
