so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
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Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
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oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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