I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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