Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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