I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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