I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
