omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
