At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
worst night to have a conscience
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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