Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
