so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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