Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
