I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
