Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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