mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
