Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
