yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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