I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
