Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
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