ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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