I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
i need some magic done to my vagina
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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