Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
